Tips To Fix Your Troubled Relationship If you having problems in a relationship

March 6, 2023 By archelys3 0

To Fix Your troubled relationship advice, teach a man how to love and be with you, and how to have a “real” relationship

I’m about to share a SECRET with you about how to easily and effortlessly bring MORE ROMANCE back into your relationship. Wouldn’t it be great if, without asking for it… the man in your life just wanted to do the things that make you feel the most loved and appreciated?

Keep reading to discover how to create this great situation for yourself and the man in your life.

**Tips To Fix Your Troubled Relationship If you having problems in a relationship**

What I’m going to share with you about men and what grabs a man’s deepest interests and attention is probably going to surprise you. Let’s start here… Did you know that there’s ONE SIMPLE THING you can do with a man to “spark” the passionate, curious, and loving side of him with you?

The thing is… I’ve spent years studying all the things that lead up to and help create a real, loving, lasting relationship between a man and a woman. I’ve observed at hundreds, even thousands of couples, and taken a look at what the things are that draw a good man into that loving and COMMITTED place in his heart and mind with the right woman. And I’ve seen what women want and need to feel safe, secure, and happy with a man on a physical and EMOTIONAL level… and how a women can best ask for and share these things with a man.

And with all this… there’s one thing I always come back to as one of the most important ideas because I hear about it everyday from women I know or who email me: Most women feel very uncomfortable in that UNCERTAIN stage where they’re getting to know a man and opening up to him, but there’s no real “commitment” yet. And moving from this kind of “casual” thing, to figuring out how to arrive in a committed relationship with a man can be the most emotionally difficult, vulnerable, and “dangerous” stage for a woman.

I’m sure you know this TRANSITION STAGE I’m talking about… where you’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks or months and getting to know all kinds of great things about him. And then one day you realize that, without even knowing how it happened or choosing to do so, you are DEEPLY ATTACHED to this man on an EMOTIONAL level… and it’s no longer some casual thing for you where you’re “dating” this guy.

Suddenly this man is everything to you. It’s this moment in the relationship where you realize that something needs to happen, and something needs to CHANGE in order for you to feel 100% secure and happy.

At the very least you need to PROTECT YOURSELF and know where he sees this going and if you should leave your heart open to him. If you take a moment to think about it, this moment is where all the RISK is… because it’s where your relationship will either come together and grow, or fall apart.

Not coincidentally, it’s during this risky and uncertain time between a man and a woman where “the wheels come off” for lots of women and they do and say things that not only DON’T HELP create the relationship they want… but make things unravel. Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about.

There’s one simple idea or “strategy” I’m going to share with you that is the single most powerful and effective way to FAST FORWARD to a better place in your love-life… no matter where you’re at.

A place where you’ll feel much more comfortable, secure, and “in control” of where your heart ends up… and therefore you’ll have an easier time doing the positive and “opening” things that will create the relationship you want with a man.

Plus, as an added benefit, this strategy will lead you to “naturally” avoid the common mistakes so many other women make when it comes to getting more love, more passion and more fulfillment out of their relationships and life.

So here we go. First, I’m going to show you the biggest mistake you’re probably making right now if you’re trying to turn around your relationship… This mistake is an entire “stategy” itself that women use UNCONSCIOUSLY with the man in their life.

I want to help make sure you avoid this failed strategy – as it only has you WORKING HARDER to PUSH A MAN AWAY.THE “I’LL TEACH HIM TO LOVE ME” LOVE STRATEGY

Let me ask you an important question… Have you ever noticed yourself trying to teach a man how to love and be with you, and how to have a “real” relationship? You know what I’m talking about. If you’re like lots of women, then you do this when the guy you’re with starts to take you for granted after the initial “honeymoon” phase is over. That “magic spark” starts to feel like it’s fading, and it seems like your man just doesn’t think about what it is you want, or how a relationship is supposed to keep growing and stay alive and well.

So you sit down one night and talk to him about it. You give him examples of the kinds of things he USED to do that he hasn’t done in a long time. Like plan special dates, buy you flowers, have deep, long talks into the night… The next day you get a dozen roses delivered to your desk, and they’re from him.

Ok. That’s nice’mon. Getting that bouquet of roses delivered to your office doesn’t really feel so spectacular if you JUST had a discussion the night before about how you wish he were more ROMANTIC… and how you miss the little surprises.

It’s like you had placed an order, and he delivered on it. Not much romance here, huh? And for some funny weird reason, getting what you wanted doesn’t feel the same since you had to ask for it. It’s like the magic is gone, right?

I’ve felt this one myself as a man. I get it. As a woman, here’s the important thing to think about and notice about what you usually do with a man… How do you go about showing a man how to be a better lover and partner to you if he doesn’t “get it” on his own? And how do you do this without having to spell it out for him and ruining the good feelings that come from “unexpected” and more genuine gestures?

Here’s the “usual” approach I see women take. They end up trying to teach men who don’t get it the absolute basics about loving, being a good partner and about how to have a good relationship.

To show you exactly what I’m talking about, I’ll tell you a short story. It goes like this: A man and woman have been seeing each other for while and they’ve both grown pretty close. Things are starting to slowly get “serious”. It feels comfortable and natural. But there’s something else going on for the woman here… Something that she hasn’t mentioned, but it’s bugging her and lurking in the back of her mind.

She’s never really had “the talk” or anything like it with her guy, so she’s NOT EXACTLY SURE where things are at and what everything means. And as her feelings are growing she’s starting to feel something awful inside- She’s starting to feel VULNERABLE and UNCERTAIN. Not knowing exactly what’s happening in the guy’s mind, and him not talking or expressing his feelings is seriously starting to drive her CRAZY.

Her unconscious fears start to take over. That easy and ever-present attraction, magnetism and connection isn’t there like it used to be. In fact, the guy is starting to withdraw and she picks up on all kinds of weird feelings and behaviors that she didn’t see in him before when things were fun, easy and “new” together.

He spends a lot of time on his own hobbies and activities without inviting her along or planning something they can do TOGETHER… He seems constantly preoccupied with work or other concerns and not so interested in those deep, revealing conversations they used to have… And worst of all, lately they’ve been having more disagreements than “connections.”

He doesn’t say “I love you” quite as much and generally isn’t as physically affectionate as he used to be. And now she’s not sure what to do or how to get things back to how things were. So she comes up with an idea- She wants to be the one that leads him to understand that they DESERVE BETTER, and that they can have a beautiful love-life together if he listens to her, chooses her and commits to making it work.

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So she thinks that if she could just have the chance to really TELL HIM how she FEELS ABOUT HIM that he’d see the light, understand where things are going wrong, and he’d come running into her arms. She becomes more physically affectionate toward HIM, almost as if by touching and caressing him she will elicit some sort of “love response.” She tries to talk to him about how he’s feeling or if he’s unhappy and why. She works hard on being understanding and “open”.

By doing all this, she hopes to be able to teach him how to give and receive love, and give him everything he’s always wanted in a woman so they’d be happy and in love. End of story.

So tell me, how do you think the story turned out for the woman? Did her man see the light? Did they live happily ever after? I want you to think about this story and see how it applies to your own life. Are you starting to see some similarities?

Good, now let’s talk about it… UNDERSTANDING “MALE PSYCHOLOGY” AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD OF USING THE “I’LL TEACH HIM TO LOVE ME” LOVE STRATEGY… The reason I know this scenario about trying to teach someone how to be with you so well is because I’ve LIVED IT several times in my life in relationships with women.

I’m in recovery from “I’ll Teach Her To Love Me” relationship addiction. And, as bizarre as it seems now, I only ended up doing this and acting this way with the women who WEREN’T really the right ones for me, or who weren’t able to show up for the kind of connection and relationship I was looking for.

But that didn’t keep me from trying to fit them into the “ideal” I had in my head of who I wanted them to be… Because of the intense feelings I was having in the relationship, I was wrapped up in these women and all the details of our life together. I wanted to share love with them, and I wanted to show them that there was a better way to share love and to be in a relationship.

But the reality turned out to be that there was little about the dynamics of our relationship that really and truly worked FOR ME. In fact, I was wasting my time and energy.

And now, looking back, it’s crystal clear what was going on- The real trouble in these situations was that the ATTRACTION and the CONNECTION I was feeling seriously distorted what I could see, and distracted me from insisting upon what I was really after and what I valued in a relationship.

My FEELINGS, and needing to be with my partner NOW were much more important than having THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP I truly wanted. And I was willing to trade my time, my energy, and my affections to try and make the woman I was with start acting like the right one for me so our relationship could “work.”

**To Fix Your troubled relationship advice, teach a man how to love and be with you, and how to have a “real” relationship**

Instead of seeing my partner for who they were, I was constantly comparing them to who I wanted them to be, and I kept trying harder and harder to change who they were and the way they acted. Not fun… for everyone involved.

Since I’ve been to this place in a relationship myself, it’s been easier for me recognize women doing this same kind thing all the time with men. And man-oh-man… do lots of women do it, on lots of different levels.

Does any of this sound familiar? What’s going on here? It’s simple really. When someone is drifting away from us, or acting distant and in an unloving way… our first reaction is to TIGHTEN OUR GRIP on them and pull them towards us even harder.

We try harder by wanting to talk to them more about what they’re not doing right. We get more intense and more frustrated each time we don’t see or receive the things we want from them.

And we become frustrated and upset at the drop of a hat because there’s so much building up inside of us. And we do all this without even realizing that we’re doing it… and the negative effect it starts to have on us AND on the person we are with.

Read: Don’t feel bad about dropping your love interest if they exhibit signs of being a loser

If you care about creating a better situation for yourself (a better relationship where a man LISTENS and RESPONDS) then you have to simply STOP this kind of TENSION BUILDING. You have to STOP TIGHTENING YOUR GRIP and start seeing things for what they are.

Then… once you can do this, then you can finally be in the right place to get the RESULTS that you want. (getting back the closeness) And due to this, it usually takes doing something completely different. Something COUNTERINTUITIVE.

No, it’s NOT by addressing the issues, fears and shortcomings YOU FEEL and talking it through and trying to get your partner to change for you. This may seem like the “logical” thing to do, but it rarely WORKS the way we want it to.(1)

Here’s where that secret strategy comes in that I was talking about earlier. Are you ready?

So what should you do instead if you’ve been doing the guaranteed to fail “I’ll Make Him Love Me” strategy? First, STOP TRYING. Stop trying to show a man what he needs to do. Stop trying to show a man how to be different. And stop trying to let a man know how he should think and feel.

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This approach simply DOES NOT WORK. Let me explain something that’s important for you to know… There are two different choices you can make when figuring out how to live your life and going about creating the things that will make you happy:

Choice #1: You can have an EXTERNAL frame or reference for your needs, goals, fulfillment, emotions and direction. Here you focus on what OTHER PEOPLE are thinking and doing, and you most often follow the path that other people lay out before you as your own.
Choice #2: You can have an INTERNAL frame of reference for all the most important things in your life. In other words, YOU who decide what you want, how you’re going to feel, what you’re going to accept and what you’re not going to put up with from other people. Here you’re going in the direction of what you want and what you’re after, and other people are free to join you on your path.

So what’s YOUR frame of reference? Internal or external? After talking to women and observing and getting to know a bit about their “inner psychology”, I’ve found some common links. The women that I see that are happiest and in healthy, mature relationships with men are women that use their own internal frame of reference as their “emotional compass”.

In other words, they have a direction and a path that they’re on, and NO MATTER WHAT a man is doing, they keep moving in the direction of what THEY WANT.

How many women do you know who have taken “detours” for years with men who didn’t really want what they wanted?

But the most important part here isn’t the most obvious. Because these women have an internal “compass”, they DON’T do something lots of other women do… They NEVER let a man’s emotional problems, issues or shortcomings become THEIR responsibility and burden.

Sure, they can love and support a man, but it doesn’t become their problem in life that they’re trying to solve FOR HIM. They realize the boundaries of the situation, and that it’s ONLY the man’s choice to figure it out fo with a man, and start doing the things that lead him with your own “compass”, you’ll “naturally” start creating the situations you want with THE RIGHT MAN.

I’ve literally seen men go from FLAKEY and RELUCTANT with the woman in their lives to ATTENTIVE and DESIRING of a more committed and serious relationship almost entirely because the woman made the critical shift to her own frame of reference with her thinking and behavior… and stopped living in “his world” by getting upset, frustrated and freaked out at him.

Instead of WAITING for a man to give them the things that they wanted the way they used to, these women changed the situation by changing how they RESPONDED to what wasn’t working. If they felt unhappy about their life, they got a new job, went back to school, made some new friends, trained for a marathon, etc.

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They didn’t sit around waiting for the man to fulfill them as a person… And they certainly didn’t focus on making their relationship more fulfilling in hopes that it would make them FEEL BETTER about their life.

And it’s at this point that something powerful happens in the process- The woman begins to see that she’s the one teaching the man how to think about her as a woman and as a lover or girlfriend.

Read that again. It’s important. You, and only you, are the one who teaches a man how to treat you. So let me be absolutely clear… Worrying about why a man acts the way he does and trying to “fix” anything about him in order to make yourself feel better is a WASTE OF TIME.

There’s something I call the “Relationship Balance” It’s the foundation for what I teach women and how I help them see how things really work with men when it comes to dating, love, attraction and relationships.

I talk about the important idea of what I call the “Relationship Balance” to spell out a detailed “how-to” approach that will lead you and a man to an amazingly affectionate and loving place together.

Where even the most intense situations and conflicts can come and go without creating uncertainty and distance in your relationship.

This is how a real, lasting, SECURE relationship is supposed to be – in case you’ve forgotten, or you haven’t experienced this with a man yet.

If you haven’t been able to create that kind of stable, loving, lasting relationship with a man that has a natural “balance” of fun, love, affection and healthy communication and boundaries, then it’s probably time you took a look at YOUR APPROACH to relationships.

Even not thinking you have an “approach” is still an approach (and one that doesn’t work well at all!)

So stop wondering why things aren’t working, even though you want so much to share love and a great relationship. The DESIRE for these is unfortunately not enough to make a great relationship with a man come together and last.

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