Looking Into Your Partner’s Background: Is it OK?
Understanding the Relationship Background of Your Partner
Colter Brian is a former private investigator turned freelance writer. When he writes, he contributes to sites such as Online Searches. Some of Colter’s hobbies include hunting whatever is in season and perfecting his pasta recipes.
If you’ve ever thought about delving a little deeper into your significant other’s past, you’re not alone. Trust and honesty are issues in a higher percentage of relationships than one might think, with some studies showing that approximately 37 per cent of women and 29 per cent of men agreeing that it is ok to “snoop” on their partners electronically (by checking their email or phone messages). In an age where dishonesty is, unfortunately, becoming increasingly prevalent, where a shocking number of marriages end out of infidelity, and when emotional commitments are rushed into quickly and irresponsibly, a little snooping into your partner’s past may be warranted.
It’s OK to Check
As odd as it may feel, looking into your partner’s background is an “OK” thing to do. In fact, I would recommend performing a check at least before you get married, but hopefully before you even start dating. The reason is that marriages and relationships are large investments of time and emotion, and should be tended to and as maintained as much as an automobile is. Would you buy a car that has an engine that doesn’t run right? Would you buy a car that risks leaving you stranded on the side of the road? Or worse, a car with faulty brakes that could go out at any moment and kill you? Ok, last one: would you date a convicted murderer? You have every right to take a strong interest in the state and future of your relationship—and, in fact, I think that more people should.
Reasons People Look Into Their Partners’ Backgrounds
There are plenty of reasons that people look into their partners’ backgrounds, even if it is just to make sure that they are who they say they are. There have been too many Dateline specials on the topic for one to ignore all the horror stories of young newlywed folk finding out that they married an imposter, a federal fugitive, or a monster with a history of violent domestic abuse. Some of the most common reasons people investigate their spouses are:
- Infidelity – There are a wide range of statistics that show that anywhere between one-third and one-half of all men and women will cheat on their partner in their lifetime. Checks can be run to see if a partner is currently cheating, though some take it a step further and snoop to see if they have a history of infidelity. This usually means tracking down exes and performing interviews.
- Crime – Everything from an abundance of unpaid speeding tickets to sexual offenses have been found in spouses’ background checks. Nobody wants to become a statistic, and it is better to know that somebody has criminal tendencies before becoming the victim of them.
- Money – Plenty of men and women alike feign love until they get ahold of the pocketbook—after that, all hell breaks loose. Checking your spouse’s financial history can save from a lot of heartache further down the road.
The Downsides
Remember that there is a downside to everything and that you may not like what you find when looking into your partner’s history. It may turn out that they’ve had a rocky past but are changed people. It may be that you find nothing at all and feel guilty for investigating. Just remember that checking into your partner’s background may come with negative effects that you should try to prepare yourself for.
Issues of Trust
When all is said and done, hopefully you have not found anything unsavory. If something comes up that does cause your heart to jump into your throat, it is totally up to you how to handle it. You might end it without missing a beat, or you might decide to sit down to have a conversation with your partner about why they were dishonest. If your search results turn up nothing out of the ordinary, you may leave it at that, or you may try digging deeper later on. One thing to keep in mind is that if it has come down to doing your own P.I. work on your partner there may be a lack of trust that is unhealthy to your relationship. Whether or not your snooping turns up positive or negative results, if there is a trust issue, you will definitely need to work it out for your relationship to move forward.
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Always remember that it is better to be safe than sorry. We live in a dangerous world, and it gets harder and harder to trust the people in it with each passing day. Background checks can and have proven to be life savers in a world like this.
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