How To Be Romantic
how to be more romantic
Has your partner ever said, “Can’t you be more romantic?(1)” Some of us can be a bit boggled by what this means, because we aren’t always aware we weren’t being romantic. What should you do if your partner is unsatisfied?
Kelvin from Boston, MA writes:
“My wife keeps telling me I’m not romantic enough. I don’t get it. We’ve been married for eleven years, and we do everything together. Everything we do together is romantic to me, whether it’s going on walks, eating meals, watching movies, going to games, or just waking up and going to bed. What does she want? Please help!”
Hello Kelvin! Your confusion isn’t unusual at all. That’s because romance is a pretty loosely defined term. Stop and think for a moment and ask yourself what it is to you. It’s probably pretty ineffable, right? It’s hard to quite put a finger on it(2). Maybe it’s what makes you feel ‘close’ to your partner—a shared activity or something atmospheric that gives you a context to focus on her instead of on other things. For you that may literally just be everyday life. Lots of people are wired that way.
Your wife is probably just wired differently. Don’t assume straight away that she’s looking for candlelit dinners and dancing either; every person is completely different, and she may be looking for that or something else. She is just as unique as you are. So the only way you can deal with the situation really is to ask her what she means. Make sure that you don’t offend her when you ask. Explain to her that you really value doing everyday things with her, and that those things make you feel close to her, but that you also value fulfilling her needs. Her needs may not be identical to yours in form, but one of yours is to make her happy, right? So tell her that, and ask her for details. Then make an effort to do or say the things she perceives of as ‘romantic’ and you should be on your way.
Read:
- 6 Romantic Outings You Will Never Forget
- Romantic Tips for valentine’s day this year
- 5 Romantic Ways To Ask A Girl Out
While you’re at it, you may end up exploring different aspects of your relationship and yourself. So if you come up with something that you’d like to do, then let her know. You can also ask for her to be more romantic too, if you decide that means something specific to you beyond what you’re doing already. If it doesn’t though, don’t sweat it. You’re not the only person who has ever stumbled over this stepping stone, either well into a relationship or at the start of one. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the little, everyday things—that can be a wonderful way to experience life and enjoy a fulfilling relationship. Keep in mind also that romance itself is not the same thing as love. Sharing a sense of romance is wonderful, but sharing a bond of true love is far deeper (after all, infatuations can involve great romance, but fall apart overnight!) and bound to last much longer. That being said, finding ways to share your wife’s sense of romance can itself be an act of love which can deepen your relationship.
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