Asking For A Second Date
second date question
Asking someone out on a first date is challenging enough, but what’s even more awkward is trying to figure out how and when to ask that person out for a second date if the first one went well. How do you deal with this particular dating dilemma? Here is our general advice to Russ.
Russ from New York, NY writes:
“I am seeing this girl for a date next week—our first—who I already know I really like, although we’ve only ever hung out in class. But then it struck me I might have a new problem. What if things go well, and we want to do it again—or rather, I want to do it again, but don’t know whether she does? Should I ask at the end of the first date? Should I wait and ask later, and just say that I’ll call? I don’t want to put too much pressure, but I also want the date to end on a positive note.”
That is a tricky question with a relatively simple answer. I don’t think you should ask her whether she’d like a second date while you’re still on your first date. It does indeed create an atmosphere of pressure, and it may also result in a dishonest answer. It’s not uncommon to get a ‘yes’ simply because the other person is uncomfortable, and then realize later that it was really a ‘no’ in disguise. Plus, you don’t want to seem pushy or desperate. Most people, even if they enjoy themselves on a date, need a little time to mull things over before deciding whether to do it again, at least if they’re planning on making an intelligent decision.(1)
The phrase ‘I’ll call you,’ is a problem, however. This one, like the ‘yes’ discussed above, is often used as a white lie to escape a moment of discomfort. As such, if you say, ‘I’ll call you,’ there’s a chance it could be interpreted as a negative and not a positive. A safer phrase would be something along the lines of, ‘I’d really like to see you again sometime,’ but not actually ask her or pick a date while you’re still on your first date. That way you’ve ended on a positive note and communicated your desire to see her again. Then you can try calling in a few days to set up another date.(2)
This is just one way of handling things—and how you go about it may depend a lot on the date itself as well as your existing relationship. This is a good general way of going about it, however, and should work in lieu of another option if you don’t know what else to say or do. You won’t exert any pressure, and you’ll give her some space to think about it, so you’re more likely to get a real ‘yes’ when you call her a few days later. Good luck with your first (and hopefully second) date!
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