Common Mistakes of First time Online Daters
Now, more than ever, people are reassessing their priorities. We wish to connect with others, to experience more purpose in our lives. Casual relationships seem to pale against the desire to find a true partner, along with those you already know and count on, someone who would really be there for you when you needed them. We’re realizing that life is short, time is precious. It should be spent wisely, which leads me to my first point…
I think a pretty big mistake online daters tend to make is not knowing what it is they really want. Of course that isn’t specific to online dating, but it can cause a lot of problems, hurt feelings and waste other’s time. It sounds insignificant, but you’d be surprised how many people prefer to dive into the deep end of the online dating pool when they aren’t even sure if they want a swimming partner. Do us all a favor and take a minute to really consider what you’re searching for in a relationship. The clearer the picture, the easier it is to achieve the goal.
Another big mistake is to drag out an email relationship for months (or even years) before you meet. It isn’t uncommon to feel a connection with someone who lives pretty far away, and a couple can get into the habit of revealing intimate details of their lives with a virtual strangersho. (I call anyone I haven’t met in real life a virtual stranger). The problem with sharing so much of yourself in this manner can ultimately make you feel pretty vulnerable. You haven’t seen this person yet, you can’t read their expressions or observe their behavior, but because you like them so much, because you feel they really understand you, you wind up projecting a fantasy image of who you want or imagine this person to be, rather than who they really are.
Big mistake number three: You’ve found someone you think you like, and you’ve made a ‘real-life’ date almost immediately, without getting to know the person first. You’re thinking “Well, I know how to talk to people in real life situations. I’m more comfortable doing it this way because that’s the way I’ve always done it, and therefore this will be piece of cake.” What you forgot to do was to find out if you had enough in common with your potential love interest to get you through a half hour coffee date. Can you imagine? “Oh, so you collect snails. How fascinating… and you say you make little costumes for them? Okaaay… Will you just look at the time???“ Just don’t forget to pick up some extra strength aspirin on your way home.
Read: Date Safely when you Date Online! how to safely date online
If you’re online dating because you really want to meet someone special, then set a goal to do just that, and make sure whoever you’re communicating with is right there with you, philosophy-wise. If he or she lives nearby, and a few weeks of contact have given you a good butterfly feeling in your gut, then make a date for dinner. Emailing for a few weeks or so should give you enough of an idea that you like this person enough to know that you’ll be entertained for at least a few hours, and that you’d probably want to be friends even if there is no physical chemistry. I think this is key.
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If he or she lives too far away for a casual dinner, then decide if you actually do eventually want to jump on a plane to visit, or pick them up at the airport. You’ll probably need a bit more chemistry happening to make the effort to attempt a long distance relationship, but I think you just know when that’s working. And it does work.
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